Boundary Setting Tips
Have you ever felt rubbed the wrong way? Found yourself doing something you really don’t want to do because someone asked you to do it? Or perhaps you’ve felt like a doormat at some point in the past? There are many ways our boundaries can be crossed and oftentimes we don’t realize until it’s already happened. This is usually the case when we haven’t established where our boundaries are for ourselves, first.
Establishing our own boundaries for ourselves is a personal process. In this process, we explore and recognize what situations allow for our optimal expression and our embodiment. We can start to create lists and structured forms around the conditions in which we thrive; when do we feel really seen, embodied and fully expressed? Working from those conditions, we then create boundaries to preserve those conditions, when they are susceptible to external influence.
How do we know where to draw boundaries? Usually there are signs we can read in our own energy field that will let us know when our boundaries have been crossed. Sometimes this translates to feelings of defensiveness or defeat. Either we react to the boundary getting crossed, and our communication turns prickly and abrasive. Or we repress our feelings regarding the boundary getting crossed, and we shut down and detach from the situation.
In any case, it’s important to read the body’s response to different scenarios, so we can create an inner map of our boundary zones. Once we become literate with our own boundaries within ourselves, we are more empowered to communicate these boundaries to others.
Empowered Authenticity and Effective Expression
Communication, as we know, can be both verbal and non-verbal. With regard to boundaries, it’s often beneficial for us to communicate these in verbal, explicit ways. Within the realm of non-verbal communication, there can be a lot of room for misinterpretation and distortion. Therefore, expressing clearly and accurately can be helpful for others to know where our boundaries are and what they look like. The best boundary setting techniques are those that are infused with love, where we speak vulnerably from our hearts. In this way, we admit our own expectations and where our edges of comfort are drawn, so that others can honor these edges.
Regardless of whether we’re communicating our boundaries within a love relationship, a professional agreement or within a family dynamic, there are some general tips you can glean here:
→ Use foresight to create clear agreements
→ Put all expectations on the table
→ Maintain emotional connection and present-moment awareness
→ Be authentic, open and honest about your needs
In order to optimize boundary setting techniques, it’s of utmost importance to speak from the heart! Create invitations for new ways of being in relationship, as we do our part in fostering emotional connection while creating clear agreement fields. Communicating our boundaries from a place of love, clearly and compassionately, can help to create invitations for others as opposed to restrictions or limitations. This, ultimately, will translate to deeper trust and a higher degree of mutual respect of the boundaries we seek to set.